Q: Do you have any funny childhood memories?

A: “I once thought the Catholic priests at my grade school had holy bongs. Behind the school, there were a bunch of glass cylinders with a hole towards the bottom and a cross etched into them. It turned out they were glass candle holders and the hole was to insert the match. Don’t ask me how a grade school kid knew about bongs, just ignore that part. I prayed for forgiveness.” – Todd Carson

Q: Is there anything embarrassing that you would like to share with us?

A: “Sometimes I pee in the shower, it all ends up in the same place.” – Todd Carson

2nd A: “My most embarrassing moment happened when I was ten. I had horrible pain in my right testicle. My mom brought me to my GP. He had every male doctor in the facility gather in the room. It’s like naked and afraid but in a doctors office. I’m naked, ten and a bunch of dudes and my mom are all focused on my goods. A female nurse gets curious and tries to enter the room to find out WTF is going on. They wouldn’t let her in. Finally after every doctor got to handle my right testicle, it all got sorted out. It was testicular torsion. Not fixing the problem would have led to my testicle having to be removed. 8/10 for pain. Big thanks to the doctors and cheers to my twins!” – Todd Carson

Q: Are there any funny stories from childhood that a parent told you?

A: “When I was young, I thought God dropped me on the bricks at the front of our house and my parents just accepted this. I refused to believe that I actually came from my mother. As an adult, I still believe this.” – Todd Carson

Q: Why don’t you have any fucks to give?

A: “I was born with three fucks to give, they were all used up decades ago.” – Todd Carson

Q: Do you have any advice to give to others?

A: “Give thanks often. Be grateful to others, as well as yourself. We sometimes forget to appreciate ourselves. How can you be kind to others when you’re unkind to yourself?” – Todd Carson

2nd A: “Never trust a fart, in the end, it will always let you down. I think I’ve met a few people, I’m pretty sure that they were farts. See what I did there? The above great advice was negated with a fart joke.” – Todd Carson

Q: Have you ever said anything to someone that they still hold against you?

A: “Yes.I think I was around four of five. I was told that I asked my aunt, my dad’s sister, to turn around when she was walking down the stairs. She did. I then said that she had the biggest butt in the whole wide world. She still holds it against me, even to this day. Maybe not the whole wide world.”

Q: Do you see yourself as a smart-ass?

A: “Why yes. Yes I am! I’m also rather self-deprecating. I think that humor is a healthy way to not take yourself too seriously, while at the same time being able to get through the harsh realities of life. My sense of humor is definitely not for everyone. I generally make jokes for me, so that I can laugh. If others join in, that’s great but not my main focus. Maybe it’s my own form of free therapy. Anyways, whatever, I don’t give a fuck! Oops, I did it again. Remember I only had three fucks and those are long gone. Peace-out bitches!” – Todd Carson